I learned that being full, complete individuals inside of a loving relationship allowed Alan the freedom to leave his role and become something different without altering my feeling that I was a complete human being. We weren't two halves joined together to make a whole. When he died I ended up intact because I had defined myself as complete. None of this ignores the love and loss of two complete and individual people.
If you know of caregivers that are suffering from the loss of their "better half" let them know that all these lessons are topics for discussion and jumping off points. We need to discuss each and every issue that a caregiver encounters. There are many points of view and many wonderful solutions that we can help each other find. For a closer look at what goes on in the life of a long time caregiver check out my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity
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