Caregiver Questions #1) What is Caring?

I'll be sending out 33 topics, like this one, over the next few months with related questions. I would like all of you Caregivers out there to pick 3 or 4 topics that you can relate to and tell us a story about your Caregiving experience. I'm writing a second book and would love to include your wisdom, humor, joy and even your upset, so that other Caregivers can learn from us. You can either post it in comments below or email me at sotmary@gmail.com. I will also be looking to do more extensive interviews either over the phone or in person, so contact me if you are interested in sharing in that too.

1) What is Caring?
How do you handle issues of control or who has more power in your Caregiver role?
How do you nurture your loved one's growth? Do they seem to trust you? Who sets the agenda? How do you encourage them to care for themselves? How do you help them to get excited about life? What happens when things get routine?

#29 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

I learned I can keep Alan in my heart and never have to "get over" him. He has permeated my very cells and the experience of caring for him along with his love and energy make me much of who I am today.

#28 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

I learned in the trenches that dying is a complex process for the caregiver on many levels, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Values, beliefs and understanding concerning the dying process are best discovered way before they are needed.
Stephen Levine and his wife Ondrea were my guides.

#27 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

I learned that I am not afraid of dying but very afraid of not living.
The editor for my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity had several questions to clarify as she was reading my book for the first time. One of them was "I sense that you seem to have a fear of dying and use the word urgency a lot in your descriptions. Is this what you are really feeling having taken care of Alan for 8 years. Is this a natural thing to feel as a result of watching his ongoing progression with Alzheimer's disease?"
I really had to pause and think. I have never been afraid of dying. I have never much been interested in living longer for its own sake.
Rather, I have been concerned with the quality of my life, finding meaning and purpose in my life and building loving relationships with those all around me. It's more a daily focus that will end when it does. Being able to live deeply, richly and intensely seems to be what the urgency that she sensed comes from.