Unplug to Get Your Groove Back

We have moved this blog

2011-10-12T08:39:00.002-04:00

Unplug and Get Your Groove back will still be here for those of you who want to look over some great information and inspiring articles, including the 30 Loving Lessons for Caregivers located in 2009 archives.

New articles for Caregivers will be posted on www.caregiveraccess.blogspot.com and information for Caregivers, including listings of upcoming events will reside at www.caregiveraccess.org. Come and visit us over there and thanks for the long run.

Caregiver Questions 4) Knowing another

2010-10-25T16:34:00.002-04:00

If you have any free time in the next day or two send me your stories as answers to any of these 4 questions already posted on this blog. I want to be productive at jury duty this week. Thanks for your stories and your love. I already have a pile of responses....email me at sotmary@gmail.com

How well do you know your loved one? Could you do this for someone you didn't know so well? What about nurses and aides, do you think it is better for them when they know more about their patients? How so?
How does knowing the strengths and weaknesses of your loved one allow you to do a better job? Describe how this might play out.
Give an example of how you know your loved one intuitively without words? How are they different from you?
How have you brought your strengths and weaknesses into your Caring? What are you good at? What has been hard for you?

Time sensitive request. Keep hope alive!

2010-10-05T15:39:00.001-04:00

Please go to this website: Westchester Alliance
Your company or program will be Hudson Valley Hospital Foundation for
the survey. The rest of the information is your own.
Have a quick look around and then fill in the 2 minute survey that is
first on the list about the Westchester Alliance. The first 100 people
from a program that fill in the survey get a matching grant. Again our
program is collecting funding for Hudson Valley Hospital Foundation.
We want to keep our Social Worker, Paula,for the Kids Care 2 Program
we started so please HELP!

Let me know that you did the survey by sending me an email sotmary@gmail.com so I
know how many more people we need. And sorry if you get more than one
notice from me.
Lots of love,
Christine

Caregiver Questions #3) Devotion

2010-10-01T09:40:00.003-04:00

Do you ever feel that you are holding yourself back or ambivalent about your role as a Caregiver?
Would you describe your personality as flexible or driven? Give an example.
How do you feel about not knowing where all this will take you? Are you committed to the long haul even though you don't know what your future holds?
Do you feel sometimes that the stress you are experiencing demonstrates to others that you are committed to this Caring?

For all my writer friends feel free to submit your stories via email or comments below. For all you talkers, I can interview you as soon as you see 3 or 4 areas that inspire your Caregiving stories. There are 33 areas to choose from for my new book.

Caregiver Questions #2) Separate and together

2010-09-28T09:49:00.002-04:00

Have you ever felt that you were losing yourself inside your Caregiving relationship? Why did this happen do you think? Are you able to maintain separate identities?
What do you learn about yourself by attending to your loved one's need to grow and have respect?
Are you able to adjust when things need to change?

I would like all of you Caregivers out there to pick 3 or 4 of the 33 topics that you can relate to and tell us a story about your Caregiving experience. I'm writing a second book and would love to include your wisdom, humor, joy and even your upset, so that other Caregivers can learn from us. You can either post it in comments below or email me at sotmary@gmail.com. I will also be looking to do more extensive interviews either over the phone or in person, so contact me if you are interested in sharing in that too.

Caregiver Questions #1) What is Caring?

2010-09-08T17:02:00.005-04:00

I'll be sending out 33 topics, like this one, over the next few months with related questions. I would like all of you Caregivers out there to pick 3 or 4 topics that you can relate to and tell us a story about your Caregiving experience. I'm writing a second book and would love to include your wisdom, humor, joy and even your upset, so that other Caregivers can learn from us. You can either post it in comments below or email me at sotmary@gmail.com. I will also be looking to do more extensive interviews either over the phone or in person, so contact me if you are interested in sharing in that too.

1) What is Caring?
How do you handle issues of control or who has more power in your Caregiver role?
How do you nurture your loved one's growth? Do they seem to trust you? Who sets the agenda? How do you encourage them to care for themselves? How do you help them to get excited about life? What happens when things get routine?

No wonder they are confused! Sham acupuncture doesn't exist!

2010-08-24T11:11:00.002-04:00

This NY Times article shows how hard it is to study an ancient healing modality with modern testing protocols. We all want to know why acupuncture works. Time to think "outside the box" when comes to doing these studies.

Big Ideas for Caregivers

2010-04-27T06:33:00.003-04:00

In a perfect world there would be someone......let's say they are called Professional Caregiver Advocates........and all they do all day is create fun stuff for Caregivers to do. Finding places where Caregivers can get together to share support and ideas, finding little elves to help with shopping or laundry, being someone to listen, someone who understands, someone who can help in lots of little ways, a shoulder to lean on, a "big sister or brother", hugs when you need them, quiet when that's what is needed.
Well we are working on getting Professional Caregiver Advocates out to every community. It'll take some time but keep checking in for progress reports.
If you would like to be on our dream team email me. sotmary@gmail.com

Bones......is thicker better? Me thinks not.......

2010-03-18T06:02:00.002-04:00

I knew about this and yet I didn't know the extent of things. A quick article on the problems with osteoporosis medications.

I tell you....those early 70's were the good ol' days!

2010-03-15T08:47:00.004-04:00

I just spent a home bound weekend due to our ferocious Nor'easter. It gave me a chance to get into some deep closets and I found this gem of a book. On Caring by Milton Mayeroff It's a quick read and articulates ideas about Caring that have been banging around in my brain without the words to express them. Thank you Milton.

Pain hurts more than we think!

2010-01-13T12:08:00.002-05:00

What a list!! Ouch!!
Remember Acupuncture can help break the pain cycle. See list below.*

from Handbook for Mortals : Controlling Pain : The effects of pain

Pain is more than "just" hurting. Pain decreases your physical, emotional, social, and spiritual well being in a variety of ways. It affects you physically, mentally, and emotionally. With pain, you may:

Be less able to function
Feel tired and lethargic
Lose your appetite or have nausea
Not be able to sleep, or have your sleep interrupted by pain
Experience less enjoyment and more anxiety
Become depressed, anxious, or unable to concentrate on anything except pain
Feel a loss of control
Have less interaction with friends
Be less able to enjoy sex or affection
Have a change in appearance
Feel that you are more of a burden on family or other caregivers
Suffer more

Adapted from "Management of Cancer Pain" by the Agency for Health Care Policy and Research

*Claims of Acupuncture for Chronic Pain

Acupuncture has been claimed as an effective treatment for certain chronic pain. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) Consensus Development Conference Statement stated in November 1997 that that there is "clear evidence for acupuncture's efficacy for treating postoperative and chemotherapy nausea and vomiting, the nausea of pregnancy, and postoperative dental pain." The NIH panel concludes that acupuncture may be an effective adjunctive therapy for many pain conditions. Acupuncture has been claimed effective for various pain conditions including migraines, back pain, tennis elbow menstrual cramps, fibromyalgia, and carpal tunnel syndrome.

There is never an end to wonderment......

2009-12-16T05:31:00.002-05:00

A dear friend sent this over......for all the things we believe in, especially our love, creativity and open hearts begging for adventure...........

Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.

"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.

"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'

"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.

"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Caring for Caregivers during the holidays

2009-12-15T14:52:00.003-05:00

Here's a program that should be available in every hospital. I'm one of the volunteer coaches and I can tell you .......the satisfaction is remarkable when we can brighten the day for a family during such difficult times. There is so much love to be shared and it is lovely to be a witness. Instead of a dreary depressing place, the hospital comes alive with connection and relationship!

Uplift for the Holidays

2009-11-30T07:37:00.003-05:00

Here's a great radio show and an article that may help keep the holidays a time for connecting and sharing with our loved ones. We don't need a job to hold hands and we don't need a credit card to call a friend. Focusing on our love is a great way to recover the spirit of the season.

Local Peekskill Program

2009-09-17T06:29:00.001-04:00

Active Aging Week
HVHC is proud to announce our participation in
Active Aging Week
September 21-26, 2009
All programs are free and open to the public!
For more information, please call 914 734-3794.
http://hvhc.org/calActiveAging.asp

Monday, September 21
1:00 PM to 5 p.m.
The Alzheimer Project HBO Series
SCREENING SESSIONS
The Dempsey House
1992 Crompond Road, Cortlandt Manor

Topics Include: Having Alzheimer's, Caregiving and Grandchildren

Come for all or part of the afternoon, drop-ins welcome

Facilitated by Christine Sotmary M.S., L.Ac., CPC and author of

"Living on the Verge of Insanity: loving lessons

learned from my sweeties Early-onset Alzheimer's disease"

Early Onset Azheimer's Radio Show

2009-09-15T12:06:00.003-04:00

Here's another great radio show, Positive Mind, from Armand DiMele. He is speaking with Pat Moffett about his book "Ice Cream in the Cupboard" concerning his wife's early-onset Alzheimer's. She was only 53 years old when she was diagnosed. Pat shares the lessons he learned and stories of his love and caring.

New Caregiving Radio Show

2009-09-15T08:30:00.004-04:00

This show Positive Mind hosted by Armand DiMele aired last week. He interviews the authors of the "Tough and Tender Caregiver", Rhonda and David Travland, who wrote a book that offers advice on ways to avoid spousal caregiver burnout.
They gave some great advice about boundaries, taking time, making new relationship contracts, finding support. All great advice for Caregivers at any stage.

Active Aging Week

2009-09-14T08:43:00.003-04:00

Join us at the Hudson Valley Hospital, just outside of Peekskill, NY for our Active Aging Week. I'll be facilitating the Alzheimer's Project on Monday 9/21 from 1 to 5 p.m. at the Dempsey House of HVHC. Join us for walks, stretching, education, and entertainment, all week long.....

Celebrating International World Alzheimer's Day 9/21/09

2009-09-09T11:44:00.003-04:00

Sept. 21st is World Alzheimer's Day Read this blog post about World Alzheimer's Day to see what you can do that day.
Just so happens that we chose that as the day to screen 3 of the Alzheimer's Project DVD's at the media room of the Dempsey House at the Hudson Valley Hospital. We'll run them from 1 - 5 p.m. with discussions after each topic, Having Alzheimer's, Caring for Someone with Alzheimer's and Grandchildren experiencing Alzheimer's through a Grandparent.

Caregiver Magificence

2009-09-03T15:49:00.005-04:00

I'll be speaking next week on this very topic.
"Mental Health Implications for Caregivers: Ageing, Serious Illness, &
Legal Considerations"
co-sponsored by the NGO Committee on Ageing

This program focuses on the importance of care giving and the stresses and
impact on mental health. Panelists will share specific challenges they
faced in caring for loved ones with serious illness including end of life
decisions. Mental health and legal issues will be presented. Strategies
will be discussed that may be useful for other care givers in making this
challenging time easier for themselves and, ultimately, those around them.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
2:30 PM - 4:30 PM

The Church Center
777 United Nations Plaza (44th Street between 1st & 2nd Avenue)
11th Floor - Hardin Room

Caregiver Magnificence
by Christine Sotmary M.S.

Family Caregivers are usually unremunerated, recruited by default, and asked to give up much of their previous life.

Tasks are but a small part of those sacrifices that these Caregivers are asked to organize. They accompany their loved ones to their medical appointments and wrestle with the health care bureaucracies such as insurance companies. They must also be sure that their loved ones follow prescribed medical treatment plans: they must run to the pharmacy to get prescriptions filled, make sure their loved ones take their meds, follow lifestyle prescriptions for eating and exercising, and so much more. When conditions worsen there is a variety of medical procedures that need to be learned, like wound dressing, giving injections, and then of course Caregivers may be called upon to see to their charge’s personal hygiene, which we all know can get quite involved.

If siblings, sons or daughters live some distance from their ailing loved one they have to find or hire someone else to do all this and worry about whether it is being done correctly or at all.

The progression of disease adds to the unpredictability and instability of these relationships. Personality clashes with a loved one may arise as a patient becomes more enfeebled, and behavioral changes can make even simple conversations difficult, frustrating and stressful.

Until someone is called on to be a Caregiver, there is no way to know how they will handle the situation. Often there are many other responsibilities the Caregiver is already juggling; this will have a telling impact on how well a “rookie” Caregiver takes to his or her new responsibilities.

Once the task is taken on, over time full time caregivers share a surprising similarity in their experience. These similarities have been referred to as the Caregiver's Syndrome. One notable shared experience is that of excess devotion. Such excessive commitment often causes the caregiver to put their own needs, plans for the future, emotions, and even health to the side, and the idea of taking even the smallest break is out of the question.

Excessive devotion often leaves the caregiver zapped of the energy and will to call on friends or family members and take a “time out”. Much-needed stress reducing activities like preparing favorite recipes, exercising, reading, etc., are also neglected. It’s an all-too familiar scenario where life takes a back seat to duty, where an outside life falls away and the world shrinks to but a few rooms in the home. The entire identity of the Family Caregiver seems to dissolve into caring for the loved one. They often ignore urgings to come out of their cocoon, feeling guilty and worried that they are shirking their duty. As familiar as these behavioral patterns are, it is just recently that we have begun to identify them as an aspect of the Caregiver’s Syndrome.

There are several possible ways to explain why it is so difficult for Family Caregivers to take time for themselves. Time away might mean time to think and be introspective, and that may be intimidating. When one's whole identity is wrapped up in caring for another, stepping away in order to reconnect with their sense of an individual self may be difficult, indeed. Fully recognizing what one has given up may be crushing and lead to great sadness and/or fear for the future, especially when the inevitability of loss is confronted. In fact, brain chemistry is changed by the experience of being needed so deeply and the Caregiver may suffer withdrawal symptoms when that intense giving is suspended, even for a few hours.

In time, the Family Caregiver who remains in this cocoon becomes starved for affection, for connection with others, for relief from their burdensome duties. As the stress wears on them, their ability as a Caregiver becomes compromised and they no longer feel positive about their life. Many vent their frustration by showing exasperation and becoming impatient, even abusive towards the one person closest to them, their loved one, the one who trusted them to love and protect them. For the Caregiver, there may seem to be no way out.

Having been a caregiver for my partner for 8 years as he journeyed along the path of Alzheimer's Disease, I can assure you that we need to give to the Caregivers, too. I did find many ways to take care of myself but I also experienced the pitfalls common to almost all Family Caregivers. I rejected many opportunities to take a break from my caregiving, not trusting surrogates to do the job with the same devotion that I had invested. I wasn’t even aware that I needed any help. In retrospect I can see clearly now that I too had been experiencing the Caregiver's Syndrome.

We desperately need to create an infrastructure of resources that Family Caregivers can access. Many other people faced with crises, such as veterans or cancer survivors, have coping and healing resources to avail themselves of, and now the time to heed the S.O.S. of Family Caregivers is at hand.

Imagine a world where Family Caregivers put themselves on the front line of the Healthcare Crisis! They have first hand knowledge of the failures of the Healthcare system, and have to go through their own crises when that same system creates obstacles in the way of getting or paying for services. Being a Caregiver makes navigating these rough waters a challenge but by using their experience and their awareness that a change must come, their voice gains legitimacy and the imperative to be heeded. With their activism, we would come to see a world where Family Caregivers are embraced as heroes by their communities.

Caregivers receiving acknowledgment and appreciation from neighbors and family members for doing this wonderful work would take the shape of gifts, prepared meals, time out for haircuts, help with finances or trips to the movies, transportation to doctors, shared responsibility, a meaningful antidote to the isolation that now exists for individual Caregivers. These volunteer community services can be coordinated by local hospitals, senior centers, nursing homes or faith-based institutions. There are even former Caregivers who are looking for ways to give back. One positive way would be to become a Caregiver Advocate. In time, Caregiver Advocates could become as common as Patient Advocates now are.

Right from the early days of their caregiving, a Family Caregiver would learn that they are not alone and that they need to share their duties with others, and that it isn't healthy for them to do this alone. There can be Caregiver centers created as places to come together, support each other and get quality information for making life easier. Meditation classes, singing workshops, or group walks in nature have all been proven to reduce stress and that would then give Caregivers the energy to continue to do their tasks in a loving, gentle manner.

As the awareness of the need to support Family Caregivers grows, so the likelihood grows that we, as individuals, institutions, organizations, and, ultimately our leaders, will step up to the plate and create an infrastructure of support that will greatly enhance the experience and the lives of both these magnificent Caregivers and their loved ones.

For more information:
Unplug and Get Your Groove Back blog
Coaching for Caregivers website
Acupuncture and Nutrition website
Caregiver Memoir

The AMA gives out Caregiver info., do M.D.'s follow it?

2009-08-26T14:23:00.002-04:00

Every doctor who is treating a patient with dementia and their caregiver needs to read the AMA information on what to expect and what to offer. Every caregiver needs to take the self-assessment to find out how close to burnout they are and what to do about it before it is too late.

To Walk in Another's Shoes...

2009-07-02T10:14:00.005-04:00

Nightline aired this story the other night. It's only 5 minutes and a real eye opener. Can we really imagine what it is like to have Alzheimer's? This exercise goes a long way towards that end. Caregiver empathy is deeply sharing another's experience and this video shows how to walk in another's shoes so that empathy can grow.
It also gives a little glimpse into the lives of the caregivers and we need to all develope empathy for their situation as well and this video is a great first step.

Taking the time to care for the Caregiver

2009-07-01T08:21:00.003-04:00

I just stumbled on this website called Partners in Care. What a fabulous idea! Check out the site to get some ideas for what you can do. Don't wait for this agency to come to your area. We can already offer our services to those who would surely appreciate a break, no matter how small. A friend used to walk with Alan while I ran ahead. That was the only 20 minutes I had to myself all week. Imagine......Read more in my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity
If you aren't close by you can send a nice Hug a Caregiver gift.

Relationship Capital, it's already here......

2009-06-20T07:22:00.003-04:00

See if you can take an hour out of your busy day in this world of money and making ends meet and hear about an entirely different way.......the social economy way based on relationships, trust and what is truly needed. The show is To the Best of our Knowledge: Future Perfect - Dreamers, Schemers and Visionaries. I listened to part 2. I see there is a part 1 and 3. That's what I'll be listening to today! Enjoy..........

Thinking profound thoughts on a rainy day

2009-05-07T17:45:00.002-04:00

I just found the small piece of paper where I had written this thought.
There will always be someone richer, better looking, more talented and smarter.
Instead of striving to be the best in those areas how about we work on being the most patient, kind, courageous, curious, satisfied and proud of ourselves. Let's include being the best listener too.
Then if there is someone better than us at these things we all benefit.

Check out my friend's blog on Understanding Dementia

2009-05-06T17:17:00.003-04:00

Seniors and Their Families in Crisis

There's always good news...you just have to look

2009-04-24T15:49:00.001-04:00

Improves brain function....what? Say that again! My favorite food group......chocolate.

It ain't Oprah but hey.....

2009-04-22T16:36:00.004-04:00

I wanted to let everyone know about a bunch of stuff coming up related to my book.

1) I'll be on the TV show Senior Forum which airs on 5/13 @ 10 a.m. Cablevision. Channel 74.
It's the Yorktown schedule.

2) I'll be speaking for AARP at the Yorktown Senior Services
1 p.m. Wednesday 5/13.
Yorktown Nutrition Center
1974 Commerce Street
Yorktown, New York 10598

3) I'm speaking this Sunday 4/26 at 2:30 p.m. room B at the Tarrytown Marriot.

4) Also NYC book signing is this Saturday in Tribeca. Let me know if you can be there.

Here's the info.:
"Acclaimed author of “Living on the Verge of Insanity: Loving lessons Learned From My Sweetie's Early-onset Alzheimer's Disease - A Caregiver's Memoir” will be making a rare personal appearance and conducting a book-signing along with a special movie screening at Manhattan’s trendy Dylan Prime Restaurant at 62 Laight Street (just south of Canal Street) on April 25th from 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm. The screening will be Andrew Jenks, Room 335 a heartwarming documentary about a 19 year old college student who moves into an assisted living home for the summer.The movie will be followed by the book signing party.

This very special event will be taking place during the internationally famous Tribeca Film Festival, and will offer hor d’oeurves and a cash bar. Because of the anticipated attendance at this gathering, guests should register in advance either by email to sotmary@gmail.com, or by telephone message at 917-273-1308 as soon as possible. Although there is no admission fee, reservations are required. There will be a suggested donation of $5 for the movie screening."

#30 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-16T06:04:00.004-04:00

I learned that being with someone in pain, without being able to "fix it", is one of the hardest things to do. Just listening, just witnessing, just being there is often enough and mostly not valued for the challenge it truly is.
The last lesson in this series....I want to thank all of you for your interest and support. Looking forward to all my fellow caregivers sharing their lessons with all of us. This world is a richer place for the love we have deeply shared.

"And anytime he needs you,
You'll go running there like mad.
You're his girl and he's your feller,
And all the rest is talk."

lyrics from What's the use of wonderin'
by Rogers and Hammerstein

#29 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-15T07:29:00.002-04:00

I learned I can keep Alan in my heart and never have to "get over" him. He has permeated my very cells and the experience of caring for him along with his love and energy make me much of who I am today.

#28 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-14T06:31:00.002-04:00

I learned in the trenches that dying is a complex process for the caregiver on many levels, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Values, beliefs and understanding concerning the dying process are best discovered way before they are needed.
Stephen Levine and his wife Ondrea were my guides.

#27 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-13T11:49:00.004-04:00

I learned that I am not afraid of dying but very afraid of not living.
The editor for my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity had several questions to clarify as she was reading my book for the first time. One of them was "I sense that you seem to have a fear of dying and use the word urgency a lot in your descriptions. Is this what you are really feeling having taken care of Alan for 8 years. Is this a natural thing to feel as a result of watching his ongoing progression with Alzheimer's disease?"
I really had to pause and think. I have never been afraid of dying. I have never much been interested in living longer for its own sake.
Rather, I have been concerned with the quality of my life, finding meaning and purpose in my life and building loving relationships with those all around me. It's more a daily focus that will end when it does. Being able to live deeply, richly and intensely seems to be what the urgency that she sensed comes from.

#26 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-11T07:27:00.002-04:00

I learned that our memories are dynamic, personal and connected. Stuff is lifeless, static and only infused with what we need it to represent.
In Living on the Verge of Insanity, my memoir, I discuss the year that Alan was in a nursing home. What to do with all his things? How to keep him in my heart? How to reclaim my life? Taking peeks at the future.....
That year especially was a rich time of discovery, change and growth mingled with tears and loss.

#25 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-08T06:24:00.003-04:00

I learned that our culture misses acknowledging many of us. It especially misses acknowledging former caregivers. There is much wisdom learned during this intimate experience and the world would benefit to hear some of the truths that are revealed during caregiving. We turn to recovering drug addicts, returning war veterans, sport's heros, even American Idol rejects and expect to find brilliant observations. Caregivers can rock this world with what they have seen and what they have been through. Life and love in all its depth and intimacy.... They just need to be asked.....

#24 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-07T08:51:00.003-04:00

I learned that some issues of caregiving are specific to people with dementia and some issues transcend all caregiving.
In my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity I describe 24 hour vigilance, doctor's visits, doing extra jobs around the house, financial issues and lots of experiences that all caregivers have. Then there are the many changes in perspective and new ways of communicating that are specific to a loved one with Alzheimer's disease or one of the other 120 types of dementia.

#23 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-04T09:10:00.001-04:00

I learned that living outside popular culture was the only way to experience the true depth of the lessons that were being offered to me. Any life can be lived superficially or intensely but caregiving narrows the choices. It is very intense.

#22 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-04-02T08:52:00.004-04:00

I learned that I was running out of energy towards the end of caring for Alan. At the same time, as his body failed, more was being asked of me. That's where help is so important. The earlier the better.
Caregiving can go on for several days, weeks or in my case years. Exhaustion is a typical symptom for the caregiver and other health issues can spring from this exhaustion including accidents and weak immune responses. I ended up on crutches with stitches in my heel. Was I rushing? Was I paying attention? Was I tired and stressed?
My memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity describes how I slowly realized how much help I needed and how I found my support network to reduce my stress.

#21 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-31T18:22:00.003-04:00

I learned that complete strangers can have more patience because this isn't their relative or loved one and they haven't had months or years of coping with troubling behaviors. Caregivers are often at their wits end.
In Living on the Verge of Insanity, my recently released memoir, I describe the day care centers and nursing home staff and how they knew how to talk to Alan and keep him engaged all day until my return. I was amazed at their kindness and followed their lead in many situations. Seeing him through their eyes as a sweet, loving man helped me continue on with my efforts in a loving, open hearted way.

3 Event Choices - schedules, addresses, details

2009-03-30T09:43:00.003-04:00

#1 Upper Westchester friends:
Come to my book signing on April 18th from 2 - 6 p.m. Refreshments and movie included.
Bean Runner Café 201 S Division St., Peekskill, NY 10566 (914) 737-1701
Movie and popcorn @ 2 p.m. Andrew Jenks, Room 335. (requesting $5 donation to film maker) A 19 year old moves into an assisted living home for the summer and finds wisdom, humor and love among his fellow residents.
3:30 - 6 p.m. Christine Sotmary's book signing. Living on the Verge of Insanity: loving lessons learned from my sweetie's early-onset Alzheimer's. Share in the celebration of my life, completing the old and launching the new!

#2 New York City friends:
Come to my book signing on April 25th from 2 - 5 p.m. Refreshments and movie included.
Dylan Prime Restaurant at 62 Laight Street (just south of Canal Street)
Movie and popcorn @ 2 p.m. Andrew Jenks, Room 335. (requesting $5 donation to film maker) A 19 year old moves into an assisted living home for the summer and finds wisdom, humor and love among his fellow residents.
3:30 - 5 p.m. Christine Sotmary's book signing. Living on the Verge of Insanity: loving lessons learned from my sweetie's early-onset Alzheimer's. Share in the celebration of my life, completing the old and launching the new!

#3 Can't make either:
Listen to my interview about my book and caregiving on blogtalk radio with Paul Morris.

#20 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-30T09:02:00.003-04:00

I learned that letting go of the role of caregiver was more difficult than taking it on. Even new habits are hard to break.
There often isn't so much as a hint of how life will be "after", so no wonder the familiar feels like a safer choice. However, there comes that time...........
I explore my journey through the withdrawal process from my Caregiving for Alan in my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity. Interesting times these......

#19 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-24T09:29:00.002-04:00

I learned that caregivers are asked to perform many roles, social worker, social director, home health aide, protector, translator, partner in love. Based on our individual unique strengths some tasks come easier than others.

#18 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-19T11:11:00.002-04:00

I learned that not knowing things is a scary but often a more truthful place. It requires lots of practice to stay there. Not knowing the future, not knowing what caused the disease, not even having a diagnosis can drive a caregiver insane. Just staying with the unknown is sometimes the way to handle the mysteries that are unfolding.
A reminder to the friends of caregivers........assuming that we know more than we actually ever can may end up being hurtful to others. Curiosity and humility are great qualities to tap into when approaching caregivers and their loved ones.

#17 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-18T12:42:00.003-04:00

I learned that caregiving is a powerful platform to examine long held beliefs and a perfect motivator to find beliefs that hold up even in difficult times.
And because this appears to be true, there are many lessons we can learn from our caregivers. They might not even realize the gems that they are holding in their hearts.
We all expect to learn lessons from mountain climbers, soldiers returning from areas of conflict, sports' heroes, folks on their death beds even the Olsen twins!
I betcha' when we start listening to our caregivers there will be much to explore.

#16 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-17T05:43:00.003-04:00

I learned why the airlines recommend that you put your oxygen mask on before you put your child's mask on. Self care is of paramount importance to be able to give generously over the long haul that is usually required. Caregiver burnout doesn't help anyone.
I describe the fact that I was lucky as an athlete to realize this early in caring for Alan. I needed sleep, exercise, music, nature and good nutrition.
What surprised me, as I describe in my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity, was that my self care fell off completely when he finally was placed in a nursing home. I have now read studies that show that I was not alone and that often the emotions of depression and sadness along with the frustrations of watching an institution care for your loved one surface once they go to a home.

#15 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-11T09:01:00.002-04:00

I learned that humor can save the day. Humor between the two of you or just finding humor alone in the absurdities.
Funny movies, laughing with friends and in my case laughing with my African Grey Charlie Parker, who has the exact same laugh as me (surprise, surprise) can lighten the heaviness and echo out to others who need a lift.

#14 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-10T15:01:00.002-04:00

I learned that we are seemingly hard wired for guilt and despair and that there are many ways to fight the pull and stay confident and happy. It was always a struggle. One day at a time is a good philosophy.
The chapter 1,000 acts of kindness in my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity describes many of the ways I was able to convert impatience and anger to kindness. It also tells of how I kept guilt away as much as possible by knowing how much love was at the core of my caregiving efforts.

#13 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-08T15:27:00.002-04:00

I learned that sometimes it takes medication or professional services to solve problems. Some issues were beyond my scope.
This is a good lesson for those of us in the healing professions. In acupuncture school the teachers recommended that we NOT treat our relatives. It's a hard lesson because it requires much trust to turn your loved one over to others and assume that they will receive quality care. Yes, and sometimes the care isn't perfect or even near adequate but that only means we need to keep looking for a better situation. Taking the responsibility back isn't the answer when the issues get very technical, such as types and amount of medications.

#12 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-03-04T07:01:00.002-05:00

I learned that sometimes looking past the obvious was needed. I learned to look at what was being communicated beyond the actual literal meaning of Alan's words or actions and what would satisfy the situation for what it really was.
Often Alan would call to find me in other parts of the house or when I was out in the garden. In Living on the Verge of Insanity I describe how I realized he was partly defining his existence through my presence. When I realized he didn't literally need ME but was really looking for himself in my presence I could relax because nothing more was required of me. I would answer his call over and over and he found his comfort.

#11 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-28T08:45:00.002-05:00

I learned that I needed to deeply look at and listen to Alan. Being so attentive allowed me to make good judgments and better decisions about what he needed. I could use this information to help make things easier for both of us. For me to pre-judge what he would need invariably got us into trouble. There was no formula or blueprint for this. It required real contact with love and sensitivity.

My memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity describes how knowing what was needed didn't always mean I could accomplish it but at least I knew what to aspire to when I was feeling rested and generous of spirit.

#10 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-26T17:35:00.003-05:00

As I was caring for Alan during the later stages of his Alzheimer's, I learned that my imagination was great "medicine". There is much comfort and freedom in wonder and uncertainty, which I expressed with my meandering mind as I invented stories and created images. I let go of always needing to find answers because often there were none.

#9 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-25T06:18:00.003-05:00

I learned that nature is a healer for a caregiver's body, emotions, psyche and spirit. Mountains, lakes, turtles, air, snow, flowers, soil, smells, sky, moon, sunsets, stars, sand, birds, deer and rivers all do the trick.
I spent months writing my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity outside in my tent cabana with Charlie the African Grey on the arm of my chair. We saw foxes, ground hogs, deer and even a coyote pass quietly by. Sometimes I felt like I was in the movie Fantasia!

#8 Loving lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-24T10:45:00.003-05:00

As a caregiver for my long time partner with dementia, I learned that power needs to be watched carefully and negative power needs to be controlled.
There is much trust of the caregiver by the loved one and it is important to honor it as trust. Wanting to be proud of my role as caregiver ultimately motivated me to soften and support Alan's dignity to the very end. This, mind you, was after living through some bumpy times.
I first had to experience the dark places in myself - my impatience, my lack of skill, and my exhaustion - to know I was a full human being with all that brings. But to grow from the experience I needed to find ways to work myself back into being a loving trusted caregiver and partner.
These important issues come in all shapes and sizes and I share lots of stories about how I was able to make the shift to a softer, more open hearted place in my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity.

#7 Loving Lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-23T08:02:00.002-05:00

During my 8 years of caregiving I learned that allowing others to help me was a sign of my strength and self love. Life is meant to be shared and sharing all types of experiences is what breaths love into relationships.
So often in the early days I would try to imagine getting help with Alan and always came up with a long list of excuses not to. The excuses were mostly based on what I perceived to be other peoples' needs, never considering my own. Once I accepted love and input from others I realized that I had been depriving them of the experience of helping Alan too.
In my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity I discuss the gradual shift in my views that finally allowed others to love and care for Alan. I saw that he brought music and humor to his caregivers for many years. I was finally happy to share him with them and get the help I needed at the same time.

#6 Loving Lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-19T10:16:00.004-05:00

I learned that living in the present is even more important when big changes are happening. It allows for moments of joy and connection that would be skipped over in a haze of worry about the future. Bike rides, quiet walks in the woods, a hand squeeze, a smile, all would have had a dark cloud over them if the future had been intruding.
In my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity I describe how often it was Alan who would bring me back to the present by pointing out a turtle on a rock or a baby swan at the shore of a swamp. After a time I learned to have this awareness for myself and we were able to share many years of joy and love together by staying in the moment.

#5 Loving Lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-18T14:18:00.004-05:00

I learned that being full, complete individuals inside of a loving relationship allowed Alan the freedom to leave his role and become something different without altering my feeling that I was a complete human being. We weren't two halves joined together to make a whole. When he died I ended up intact because I had defined myself as complete. None of this ignores the love and loss of two complete and individual people.
If you know of caregivers that are suffering from the loss of their "better half" let them know that all these lessons are topics for discussion and jumping off points. We need to discuss each and every issue that a caregiver encounters. There are many points of view and many wonderful solutions that we can help each other find. For a closer look at what goes on in the life of a long time caregiver check out my memoir Living on the Verge of Insanity

#4 Loving Lessons from a Caregiver

2009-02-17T08:16:00.001-05:00

I learned that leading a rich life through my music, dance and sports better prepared me with the emotional resources and skills I would need for this long journey.
Each activity made me more confident in the choices I had made in my life and confident of who I am. I had said to a friend years before that our belief in ourselves and who we deeply are needs to be shaped long before tragedy strikes. Some folks have their Gods to believe in and others have to find or construct their beliefs.

# 3 Loving Lessons from a caregiver

2009-02-15T21:20:00.002-05:00

I learned that there are no limits to the call for love and intimacy. There is always another challenge, another level, another adventure. We may have limits for how far we are willing to travel into love but no limit for the level asked of us.
In my memoir, Living on the Verge of Insanity I describe how I finally had to hand over the main tasks when Alan needed a health aide. A sample chapter is available on the website.
In our caregiving there will always be something more that is asked and we get to say yes or no.

#2 Loving Lessons from a caregiver

2009-02-13T06:14:00.004-05:00

During my eight years of caregiving I learned deeply how life is here to be lived, beyond memories, beyond reason, beyond hopes, beyond change, beyond judgments and beyond loss.
Engagement is the most important thing to me now, like being involved with my Salsa dancing, Zumba, jazz, triathlons, kickboxing, Rotary and growing my businesses. It's not about judging how good I am at any of them but rather how deeply committed I am to experiencing my chosen interests.
In Living on the Verge of Insanity I discuss how I was able to live this way and care for Alan even if it meant arranging to bring him to everything I was engaged in.

#1 Loving Lessons from a caregiver

2009-02-12T09:09:00.005-05:00

I was able to narrow down to 30 the loving lessons that I discuss in my memoir "Living on the Verge of Insanity". My dear readers will get to learn what these lessons are in installments over the next couple of months.
Please let caregivers know that I am doing this so they can borrow my lessons to fortify themselves. Hopefully they'll better be able to keep their hearts open while avoiding the almost inevitable burnout we all feel.

Lesson One
1) I learned to draw on all my talents and skills in other areas of my life and apply them to my caregiving.
In the book I describe how I used my Life Coaching skills to find different perspectives on what was happening and my Montessori teaching skills to invent appropriate activities for Alan's skill levels.
a) From my Life Coaching I used metaphor: Like the times when he would call to me over and over to stay in touch. I used the metaphor of birds calling to each other tweeting, "I'm here, you're there". It made the repetition bearable for me since I am a bird person and have my African Grey Charlie on my lap as I type this.
b) The advice out there is to keep activities manageable to avoid stress for someone with Alzheimer's. I describe how Alan's laundry skills changed over time from doing the whole load to years later being limited to carrying things upstairs for me to fold. I would feel content in knowing I was able to use my skills as a Montessori teacher to help to keep him busy, happy and proud of his accomplishments with his dignity intact.
Stay tuned for lesson #2 where I talk about engaging deeply in my life while caregiving for Alan as a way to flourish and learn from my experiences.

My new book is in pre-release

2009-02-11T18:01:00.004-05:00

Please forward this information to any caregivers you may know. Thanks.

In case you missed the email announcement I decided to post this here. Sorry for the duplication......

My book Living On the Verge of Insanity will be coming out soon. Here's the description. The printer is shipping them so all I need is your address sent to me at sotmary@gmail.com. I'm giving 30% off for pre-release orders that will get to you by 3/1/09.

With so many self help books on the market it's nice to have a behind the scenes look at what goes on in the long term care of a loved one with Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease. Whether you are caring for an aging parent, a troubled child or a spouse with emotional or health problems, there are many things to consider and lessons to learn during these stress-filled times. Living On the Verge of Insanity follows Christine and Alan's journey to discover how she learned that care giving can be a loving, enriching time in life but often it gets derailed. Find out how one caregiver learned to stayed on track and reached deep inside herself to find untapped resources and skills she never knew she had.

What readers are saying:

"…an easy read and a tender love story of a caring person."
Jean Hampsas, the caregiver for her husband

"The book is an intimate look into a partnership and truly serves as a practical and non-judgemental guide which I feel will help readers who are already well into (or have even finished) their own journeys to reflect and realize their own positive insights . It was an honor to review this beautiful elucidation of Chris and Alan's deeply moving experiences together and it brought to mind many pleasant memories of my dear mother. Thank you both for this opportunity."
Felicia Gironda, former caregiver and Associate Professor at Touro College, specializing in normal and abnormal aging

"I’ve known Christine Sotmary for over fifty years. We played together when we were children and, separately, we have known tragedy and pain. Reading her story of her journey and of the strengths she developed and discovered that she had has helped me understand better the woman she has become and the way that a strong and determined person can grow through struggle and pain. This is a book that has to be read more than once."

Leonard Marks, caregiver for his wife and Christine's childhood friend

"Thank you for the pleasure and privilege of reading your manuscript Living on the Verge of Insanity. I found it to be a most moving love story and an incredibly poignant honoring of your life partner.

Your careful descriptions of your relationship with Alan, before, during and after his illness, are truly informative to anyone who has ever been in a relationship at all, not just people who have been involved in the care of an ill loved one. Your depiction of the progression of the illness itself is a tribute to the human spirit's transcendence of bodily illness and is therefore inspirational to all, since we are all vulnerable to our own eventual physical decline.

I am left with the impression of your being an extraordinary individual, and I thank you for having confirmed my long held conviction that the arts are powerfully healing forces and that ongoing involvement in an art form, over the course of one's life, can usher us into the final phase with grace and dignity.

Thank you again for allowing me to share this with you!"

Judith Luongo, M.P.S., A.T.R.

About the author

Christine Sotmary, M.S., L.Ac, CPC is a certified Life Coach specializing in coaching caregivers to rediscover joy, find resources and hold on to love they have for themselves and others during these trying times. Go to www.gotcoaching.com for more information.
She also is a powerful speaker on the many loving lessons that she learned during her 8-year journey of caring for her sweetie. Find more information on her talk 30 Loving Lessons for Full Hearts: fortifying caregivers by going to www.livingontheverge.com

Christine Sotmary, M.S., L.Ac. CPC
Author
Living On the Verge of Insanity: Loving lessons learned from my sweetie’s early-onset Alzheimer’s disease
ISBN: 978-0-692-00022-9
sotmary@gmail.com
917-273-1308

"In addition to relieving patient suffering, research is needed to help reduce the enormous economic and social burdens posed by chronic diseases such as osteoporosis, arthritis, diabetes, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases, cancer, heart disease, and stroke."
Ike Skelton

Radio Lab and the How We Make Choices Show

2008-12-03T18:25:00.004-05:00

The explorers are back! This time Radio Lab with Jad Abrumad and Robert Krulwich travel deep inside our brains to discover how we make the decisions and choices in our lives. They look at things such as: Why do some people seem better at making decisions than others? And: Should you listen to your head or your heart?
They leave you with a feeling that our subconscious and our emotions rule and all our claims to the contrary don't hold up to the bright light of examination. Enjoy the show.

Genius, Creativity and Invention

2008-09-30T16:46:00.006-04:00

I was reading In the Air by Malcolm Gladwell, in the May 12, 2008 New Yorker magazine about how inventions come about and whether there could be a way to manufacture a setting for new ideas to flow. As a jazz musician I have always been keenly curious about how creativity originates and leads to musical invention. According to the article, it doesn't take a genius to invent something new....phew!
Nathan Myhrvold, the guy who started Microsoft’s research division, wanted to create insights—to come up with ideas. He thought that if he brought lots of very clever people together to collaborate they might increase the number of inventions and ideas they might patent. The experiment succeeded way beyond their expectations. Hundreds of ideas have reached the patent office, with thousands more still yet to be submitted, many of significant interest, like filtering cancer cells out of the blood or stopping hurricanes or building safe, passive nuclear reactors.
Gladwell observed that in math and science there seem to be clearly defined periods of time of discovery and invention. When we are exposed to a culture ripe with information, history tells us that several people often invented the same thing around the same time. Gladwell writes:
This phenomenon of simultaneous discovery—what science historians call “multiples”—turns out to be extremely common. One of the first comprehensive lists of multiples was put together by William Ogburn and Dorothy Thomas, in 1922, and they found a hundred and forty-eight major scientific discoveries that fit the multiple pattern. Newton and Leibniz both discovered calculus. Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace both discovered evolution. Three mathematicians “invented” decimal fractions. Oxygen was discovered by Joseph Priestley, in Wiltshire, in 1774, and by Carl Wilhelm Scheele, in Uppsala, a year earlier. Color photography was invented at the same time by Charles Cros and by Louis Ducos du Hauron, in France. Logarithms were invented by John Napier and Henry Briggs in Britain, and by Joost Bürgi in Switzerland.
This made me think that a particular cultural environment sets the stage and the ideas follow closely behind.
Gladwell also spoke about how the power of observation leads to discovery. Being attuned to the cultural climate and our surroundings enhances the opportunity for discovery and invention. As an example, for years people in archaeological expeditions walked past complete, intact skeletons of very large dinosaurs in Montana and never saw them until Nathan Myhrvold, that guy who started Microsoft’s research division, and Jack Horner, the American paleontologist, put their teams together to go looking. With his powerful ability to observe his surroundings Myhrvold has found 9 T. Rex dinosaurs in the last ten years when the previous 90 years had yielded only 18 discoveries. So it seems that having these very refined powers of observation is critical to discovery.
Throughout the article Gladwell cites examples where having clever people on your team helps as well to increase your chances of invention. Several folks working together can equal the potential for invention of one genius working alone.
So the lessons to be learned:
a) Create a world around you alive with curiosity and bubbling with new information
b) Develop, refine and use your powers of observation
c) Get together regularly with inquisitive friends to brainstorm

Gladwell’s talking points apply to scientific geniuses, nature and their ability to invent. He doesn't think that these ideas relate to artistic geniuses but I disagree. His feeling is that artistic genius is a singular phenomenon. Who would like to brainstorm with me on this? Maybe together we can create a convincing argument to challenge his otherwise provocative piece.

Going Beyond the Physical

2008-09-14T19:13:00.003-04:00

Krista Tippett hits a home run with this interview with Seane Corn concerning the heart of Yoga on her radio show Speaking of Faith. Worth the listen and even worth a listen to the unedited version. Brew some relaxing tea and settle into your favorite cozy spot to listen and enjoy.
Here's a little teaser:
"Because that is the experience that one has when they are aligning the mind with the body. And that's really the next part of it, too, when you're talking about the benefits of this practice. It comes to this: In the practice of yoga what we're taught is that there is no separation between the mind and the body, and everything that we're thinking or feeling or experiencing over the course of a lifetime, or lifetimes, has an effect on your cellular tissue. So your body remembers everything and even though we have as human beings a gorgeous ability to reconcile or to reason, our bodies don't have that same ability to heal unless we're moving through experiences in our life in a spiritual way. So what I'm saying is if we're holding onto hate, blame, shame, anger, rage, sadness, or grief, something like that, those emotions can be as toxic on our physical body as a poor diet or as inertia. They manifest as tension, stress, and anxiety. So our physical body is actually masking the emotional resonance that lies beneath it."

All the Time in the World

2008-09-02T15:57:00.002-04:00

Here in the northern hemisphere we are winding down from our summer schedules. Most are getting back to work, back to school and for many of us back to a busy schedule.
In the southern hemisphere they are heading into summer, a time for beaches, relaxation and time with family and friends.
In our plugged in world it is easy to long for a slower pace with more fun stuff to do. On the other hand there is a palpable restlessness in the air. It makes it hard for some of us to sit still anymore. We fail to enjoy our surroundings or indulge in long, relaxing conversations. There seems to be the ever frequent interruptions from our blackberries, cell phones, internet and emails.
Taking breaks to experience the present moment is one way to break the frenetic cycle. We don't have to wait until next summer to watch a bird soaring above or listen to the sound of chimes in the wind. Taking time away from our busy schedule requires some determination but the rewards are many. Better health, improved mood and the gift of inspiration are all the "side effects" of taking some time out of our day to enjoy what is right in front of us. Best of all it's free!

Success Is Not a "Do It Yourself" Affair

2008-06-09T12:24:00.003-04:00

This is a great 5 minutes about a college kid who took another route. His job has taught him lessons that many of us only learn in our later years. Enjoy his discoveries....Being Vulnerable Entwines Us All.

Chemistry and our To Do List

2008-05-15T11:15:00.002-04:00

Most of us are busy ticking off our daily list of things to do.
I have seen the effects of these three things, which ought to be put at the top of our daily list of tasks, that will form the perfect chemistry for the rest of our activities.
a) Get plenty of sleep.
b) Experience happiness in the things that gratify us.(gratitude+satisfy)
c) Find tools that create relaxation and help us find some peace.

From my observations, I can say that, the activities that effect our chemistry most point to where our health is headed.
I've been thinking about the almost 30 years that I have been in the field of health and healing. These are the three ways, that I have found, for people to take back a little control and make the most dramatic improvements in their health and wellbeing.

All Stories are Created Equal

2008-05-04T07:45:00.002-04:00

I was cleaning up my apartment and stumbled over this quote from my acupuncture school days. Life is full of camps. Ours vs. theirs. I'm always looking for inspiration to help dissolve our divisions.
This quote helped me resolve my understanding of the many mysterious contradictions in Chinese Medicine and has became a great guide for the rest of my life as well.
....The momentary stability afforded by such models is an illusion because the essential nature of life remains chaotic and unknowable. Models are tools, elaborate stories, and we must recognize them as such. Diversity is what emerges when individuals are each able to embrace the freedom to create their own mythology while simultaneously allowing others that same freedom. For the sage, all stories are created equal inasmuch as thy empower the creative flow of life.

Inches Away from Nirvana

2008-04-03T05:52:00.003-04:00

A good friend sent me this fascinating video with Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist with first hand experience of the split between the left and right hemisphere of the brain. It is the most revealing look into the degree to which we can alter our perceptions instantly. I promise the 18 minutes it takes to watch the video will be time well spent. You can load the video from the transcripts on the right side, if you have trouble with the scripts. Enjoy....

The Value of Friendship

2008-03-06T16:01:00.004-05:00

Last week's Speaking of Faith was an interview with an Irish poet and philosopher, John O'Donohue.
This is a touching excerpt from his book Anam Cara.
"In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. One of the fascinating ideas here is the idea of soul-love; the old Gaelic term for this is anam cara. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul and cara is the word for friend. So anam cara in the Celtic world was the "soul friend." In the early Celtic church, a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide was called an anam cara. It originally referred to someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the anam cara you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the "friend of your soul." The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. Teh soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship. In his Conferences, John Cassian says this bond between friends is indissoluble: "This, I say, is what is broken by no chances, what no interval of time or space can sever or destroy, and what even death itself cannot part."
In everyone's life, there is great need for an anam cara, a soul friend. In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of social acquaintance fall away, you can be as you really are. Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul."

Healthy Glow

2008-02-01T09:13:00.000-05:00

I was putting paper in my African Grey's cage, when I stumbled on this New York Times article from back in December on Acupuncture Face Lifts. More and more people have been asking me if I can help them or their friends look and feel younger. Classical acupuncture, which was the bedrock of my training, offers the hormonal help that most of us need to look younger, but more importantly feel younger too.
Here's an excerpt from the article that I would agree with.

That said, holding tension in one’s jaws or brows can make a face appear strained. I am a teeth grinder with a tight jaw. Mr. Seplow inserted needles into my jaw area to relax it. He also assessed my systemic issues. Red blotches above my cheeks, he said, were a sign of sluggish digestion, so he put needles into my feet and legs for this.

Many cosmetic acupuncturists pride themselves on their holistic service. “The way I look at it, your health is reflected in your skin,” said Anita Lee, a licensed acupuncturist who has a private practice that specializes in women’s health in Manhattan. Because acupuncture facials improve circulation and unblock stuck energy, Ms. Lee said, “they help people heal from the inside out.”

A Great Resource

2008-01-20T11:52:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading the book We Carry Each Other. It described a website where anyone can set up a Care Page for themselves or others. It is for anyone going through life altering experiences, such as serious illness, caregiving for our loved ones, accidents and recent loss. As many of you know, when I lost Alan last month, my husband of 27 years, to Alzheimer's, I had all of you to comfort me. I can't tell you how your love and good wishes carried me! A blessing.
I can't imagine having to go through these stress filled experiences alone, so I wanted to share this resource with you. Pass it on to anyone who needs a virtual hug.

Have a Peace Party

2008-01-20T11:35:00.000-05:00

My friend from the Peekskill Rotary invited a group of his friends to his home for a Peace Party. We were asked to share our thoughts, songs, poems and experiences concerning peace and unity. Nearly everyone, including old and young from many nations and cultures, shared their views. We all left feeling empowered and hopeful. In this season of Super Bowel parties, consider a wonderful alternative.
This is the Rumi poem I read:

A Great Wagon

When I see your face, the stones start spinning!
You appear; all studying wanders.
I lose my place.

Water turns pearly.
Fire dies down and doesn't destroy.

In your presence I don't want what I thought
I wanted, those three little hanging lamps.

Inside your face the ancient manuscripts
Seem like rusty mirrors.

You breathe; new shapes appear,
and the music of a desire as widespread
as Spring begins to move
like a great wagon.
Drive slowly.

Some of us walking alongside
are lame!

~
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.

~

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

I would love to kiss you.
The price of kissing is your life.

Now my loving is running toward my life shouting,
What a bargain, let's buy it.

Daylight, full of small dancing particles
and the one great turning, our souls
are dancing with you, without feet, they dance.
Can you see them when I whisper in your ear?

They try to say what you are, spiritual or sexual?
They wonder about Solomon and all his wives.

In the body of the world, they say, there is a soul
and you are that.

But we have ways within each other
that will never be said by anyone.

Come to the orchard in Spring.
There is light and wine, and sweethearts
in the pomegranate flowers.

If you do not come, these do not matter.
If you do come, these do not matter.

Our Fears

2007-12-14T18:41:00.001-05:00

For those of you who may have missed the movie Coach Carter, my good friend Sheila read this quote to me and I wanted to share it with you.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
We looked up the quote and found its source:
The "Our Deepest fear..." quote is originally from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

What may be motivating apathy or action

2007-11-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

Here's a small excerpt from this week's Speaking of Faith. I always recommend listening to the Uncut version.
Krista Tippett interviews Ingrid Jordt about her experiences in Burma.

Ms. Jordt: And so I'm feeling that we need to find new strategies. And the ways that the Burmese have undertaken the everyday strategies to everyday life and everyday suffering, I think draw on a number of — a cultivation of the number of key mental states. And one of them is compassion. And compassion is known in Buddhism as one of the four sublime states of mature emotion. And with compassion, a person feels inclined to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion permits us to perceive pain and torment and suffering in another living being.

But the thing that's interesting, and this is something that my Burmese monk teacher said to me, is that with a mental state, any mental state that's wholesome, but with a mental state such as compassion, there's always a near enemy to compassion. And the near enemy of compassion is sorrow. What's interesting about sorrow is that you're unable to do anything on behalf of another person's suffering. And compassion, on the other hand, allows you to feel that there is something that can be done. And so I feel that we need to cultivate here in the West — if we talk about apathy — our own mental states; if we feel outrage, that we realize that that response will create anger and only more hatred and violence.

Ms. Tippett: So you're saying we recognize our outrage also as akin to another possible reaction.

Ms. Jordt: What I'm saying, if our response to the crisis in Burma today as outrage, then we're responding with anger. And if we feel disappointment and hopelessness, then the response is sorrow and pity and apathy again. But if we have compassion and if we choose to cultivate mental states of truly the understanding of what it means that another being is suffering the way that they are in Burma, then I think it we'll undertake a kind of renewed activism toward making the case of Burma something that just doesn't disappear off the newswaves because we have also become apathetic.

Mind/body 3 part article on depression's effects

2007-10-19T05:27:00.000-04:00

Cinda Hocking has written a marvelous article on how depression effects the body, especially in the area of eating and metabolism. This is part one, so sign up for her blog to get the other two parts or visit again. Her perspectives as a social worker, now Martial Arts instructor, are quite unique.

Yoga and the Silence

2007-10-16T19:38:00.000-04:00

I included the unedited version of the Speaking of Faith show from this last weekend. So much of what they are describing has been my experience of the mind/body relationship in my acupuncture, Qi Gong and Tai Qi. In all my years I have never experienced a more articulate description of something that most of us know and feel on some levels but have trouble putting into words.
Enjoy when you have some time to unwind and listen.

If the question of "what to eat?" is your thing....

2007-09-28T08:23:00.000-04:00

Announcing my new blog, Metabolic Matters. I'll be posting information to help you better understand Metabolic nutrition and Metabolic Testing/Typing. There will be easy tips to help you eat for your type with specific recipes and lots more. There will even be an active discussion on my two related Yahoo groups for lifestyle tips to put that bounce back in your step. Check back for the launch of some in depth discussions and debates. All comments are welcome in our Metabolic Family.
Speaking of families, I will be having discussions related to my Healthy Parents/Healthy Kids programs. Being a healthy role model is the best thing you can do for your child. For more information also check out the Children's International Obesity blog, which is being expanded daily.

Let the Music Take You Deeper, Thoughts on 9/11

2007-09-11T07:33:00.000-04:00

Check out September Concerts all over the world. Music for healing the planet and bring peace to our world. I'll be at the Creole Restaurant from 4 p.m. until about 9 p.m. if you are local and can get there.
Also, thought you might like to read a little about music and humanity by Branford Marsalis

In such a short period of time!

2007-09-08T20:03:00.000-04:00

In addition to sharing this story with you, Crete's Health Care Crisis, I want to make a short comment. The Mediterranean diet originated as a way of eating in warmer climates. It is actually only healthy for the descendants of those ancestors who came from such warmer climates as Crete. Descendants of those whose journey took them over the colder, more northerly routes across Russia, Asia and beyond need the opposite foods. Now, enjoy the article and prepare to be amazed.

It's about living and sometimes it's about dying

2007-09-04T07:18:00.000-04:00

Reading about this remarkable woman threw all my preconceptions to the wind. What she accomplished in the last 7 years of her life, dealing with a life threatening disease, is a real eye opener. Worth a few minutes of your time, I promise.
The Jane Tomlinson story

Making the Effort

2007-09-02T18:17:00.000-04:00

I have just been a part of three events in the last week where I witnessed amazing efforts on the part of the organizers. The first was last week's triathlon. The volunteers and organizers were there from before dawn to well into the afternoon, setting up, holding a well organized event, and breaking down all the equipment. No couch potatoes here.
The next event was my friend Sheilah's sculpture exhibit. Collaborative Concepts had 50 acres on a farm with 30 to 40 major installations. All the work to create the pieces and then getting them to the farm must have been exhausting. As you can read in their blog, the collaborative organized everyone for months ahead of time and pulled it off without a hitch.
Lastly, at my Mohegan Colony, Lyle Puente of My Brothers Banned, single handedly organized a movie night at the lake for our entire community. He schlepped the gear, chose the movie and sent out dozens of emails. It was a perfect night and a real treat.
Thank you all for enriching my life!

Some People Climb Mountains and Some People Have Heart Surgery

2007-09-01T11:41:00.000-04:00

She's done it again. Krista Tippet has a wonderful interview this week on healing and alternative medicine. She is speaking with Dr. Oz of Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. They discuss how including Alternative Medicine, with modalities drawn from various locales in the treatment plan, is the globalization of medicine. Have a listen.
Speaking of Faith

Rainbows, Black Bears and a Friend

2007-08-27T10:33:00.000-04:00

After finding out that I came in 2nd in Sunday's triathlon, already a dream come true, I realized that actually the best part of the day was all the poetry I witnessed along the way.
It started with a lovely morning rainbow spilling into the far end of the lake.
Just as we were about to start the swim, I connected with a great friend, who had came to cheer me on. It made the biking hills feel much easier this week.
And then there was the bear!!! .....holy Smokey decided to run across the road directly in front of my path and then ran with me along side of the road. I could hear him/her just behind some bushes. Well, there was the motivation I needed and off I went, nearly breaking the sound barrier!
A great day on all levels - physically mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

What’s Missing From Your Training?

2007-08-21T08:10:00.000-04:00

Since I'm doing a triathlon this week, I've been researching inspirational articles to motivate my training. Last Sunday, a week before the race, I encountered the 1.5 mile hill that I will be biking during the triathlon. I rode up it to get the feel for the race. There I was, crying in vain for my mommy, my head filled with all sorts of negativity. I imagined all the other bikers being in much better shape and what their dust would taste like as they passed me. I thought my lungs were going to explode.
Before reading the attached article, I was in the process of developing anxiety about going back to that hill. Who would choose to be in that much pain again?
After reading the article my attitude shifted. These concepts can be applied to any challenge, focus on the positive, have some helpful quick phrases handy for inspiration and do the mental preparation along with the physical to get ready. Now I'm psyched to get out there and ride! Enjoy! What’s Missing From Your Training?

The CHILDREN'S INTERNATIONAL OBESITY FOUNDATION (CIOF): GREAT READING (AND SOME HOMEWORK)

2007-08-08T13:32:00.000-04:00

We are in the early stages of creating this very much needed Foundation. Come and visit the blog. Come back often and read some great research and solutions that people are creating to effectively deal with Childhood Obesity. This is a place for a truly multi-leveled approach to the issues. We intend to speak to the uniqueness of each individual that comes through our doors.
The CHILDREN'S INTERNATIONAL OBESITY FOUNDATION (CIOF): GREAT READING (AND SOME HOMEWORK)

The Ethics of Eating Radio Show

2007-07-23T05:30:00.000-04:00

This weekend's Ethics of Eating on the Speaking of Faith show had one of my favorite authors, Barbara Kingsolver. While living in wonderful circumstances, she was able to spend a year with her family eating what they grew. If they couldn't grow it they would try to find it in local farmer's markets or grown by neighbors.
The feeling I got from the show is that their experiment indirectly would get a broader audience thinking about our own lives. It is time to notice some of these decisions that we make on almost a daily basis, what to eat, where to purchase it, how best to support the earth through our decisions.
No one wants the farm worker and his family in Chile to be breathing in clouds of pesticides, so we can have strawberries in January. We can wait for strawberry season at home, no?

The language of emotions and disease

2007-07-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

This week's show Speaking of Faith explores the role of emotions in disease and how science is finally conceding what we have all experienced, there is a connection. This exerpt is taken from the transcript of the show. Stress, Finding the Balance Within

In The Balance Within, Esther Sternberg reflects on the differences and interconnections between "emotions" and "disease":

Emotions are always with us, but constantly shifting. They change the way we see the world and the way we see ourselves. Diseases come and go but on a different time scale. And if they change the way we see the world, they do it through emotions. Could something as vague and fleeting as an emotion actually affect something as tangible as a disease? Can depression cause arthritis? Can laughing and a positive attitude ameliorate, even help to cure, disease? We all suspect that the answers to these questions are yes, yet we can't say why and certainly not how. Indeed, entire self-cure industries have been built on this underlying assumption. But physicians and scientists until recently dismissed such ideas as nonsense, because there did not appear to be a plausible biological mechanism to explain the link.

Is there something about the biology of emotions and disease that gives them their different characteristics? Is it something in this that gives them their different characteristics? Is it something in this biology that allows one to affect the other? These questions arise at the intersection of popular belief and everyone's own personal observations that emotions have something to do with disease. The disconnect that then occurs between these questions, which grow from the essence of our human experience, and the lack of concrete explanations that satisfy rigorous standards of proof has led to a mistrust between the questioners and the scientists who are expected to answer them. Part of the reason for this is that scientists and lay people speak different languages — but so do emotions and disease. Poetry and song are the language of emotions; scientific precision, logic, and deductive reasoning are the language of disease.

12 Steps to Liberating Your Pizzazz! Introduction and Step #1 of 12

2007-05-20T05:25:00.000-04:00

by Christine Sotmary M.S. L.Ac. CPC

Overview of the entire LYP project
This is the first in a series of 12 articles. Each article will be
accompanied by an audio version that you can download with additional bonus audio material. You’ll find interviews with experts in the specific area we are covering and related discussions, offering you a more in-depth exploration of each topic. Go to my audio blog and scroll down to audio to listen.
Generally speaking, I’ll be exploring what is getting in the way of your work. When I speak of work, I am not limiting the word to the accepted definition of paid employment. What I mean is your life’s work, accompanied by your passion, personal meaning, values and strengths. Lucky you if you also get paid for all that!
We’ll be exploring different ways that you can overcome obstacles, excuses, energy drains and finally get your work out into the world.
I’ll be covering the concept of reclaiming your personal power, what I’m calling “Liberating Your Pizzazz”.
By the end of these articles, I fully expect to receive hundreds of emails from all of you, telling me about your work, how your are experiencing your power and how proud you are of yourself for finally getting on track.
Let’s begin at the beginning. Why does it seem harder and harder to initiate new ideas, and then actually follow through on your projects? What excuses are getting in the way? I bet you sometimes feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Where do you start?
You might have been given the idea that you are a procrastinator. Is that what your family thinks about you? You carry around many beliefs, like this one, that are like old friends. “I’m too old for that, too set in my ways, too busy, I could never afford that, I don't have the strength for something like that.” Sound familiar? Maybe you feel disorganized. Is clutter your problem? Are you finding the support you need to move forward? You always read about these software inventors, working in their garage together, coming up with all sorts of innovative ideas. Garages have also been the home to many a musical exploration for all those bands we remember as teens. When a partnership works, both of you are carried along by your excitement and ideas. Is it time for you to start building your team?
I can guarantee that sometimes you feel stuck. I’ll be sharing lots of techniques to get you through the rough spots and help you change some of the beliefs you are presently struggling with.
By the way, how’s your health? Are you taking care of yourself? I’m certain there are times when you barely getting through the day and can’t even think about those tap dancing lessons you had planned to take. How would you ever have the energy to start that community children’s theater you always dreamed about? In this series of articles I’ll talk about how building a good foundation of health will help you reclaim that missing energy and how to easily incorporate healthy choices into your busy life.
In this first article I’m going to ask questions about one of the important areas we should be noticing in our lives. I’ll be asking whether technology is taking over, when it was meant to make things easier for us, give us more leisure time, more time to create. What happened along the way? I don’t have all the answers for you but you can ask these same questions of yourself and together we’ll explore how you can find a healthy lifestyle that’s right for you.

Step #1

Dateline Modern Life: Previously Intelligent Human Beings Transformed into “Entertainment Seeking Devices”First, I’d like to ask you whether you think passive entertainment is one major piece of the puzzle that might be robbing you of your creativity and pizzazz? You may agree or disagree. I’m just throwing it out there. The companion audio to this article has a fascinating interview with Robert Kesten of Screen-Time Awareness. He talks about the Scientific Research that’s been done on many of the topics we’ll be covering here. Go to www.sotmary.libsyn.com to hear the audio version of this article and further down the page is the bonus audio interview with Robert. You can download it and listen later.
It is easy to be part of the audience for TV shows, music events, movies and DVDs There is nothing wrong with taking a night off to unwind in front of the TV. It’s great to hear your favorite band’s new CD. It is just a question of balance.
When we sit in front of the tube night after night for hour after hour, what happens to our brains? What happens to our lifestyle, our relationships, our ability to think and converse? The scientists have found answers that you can read at Robert Kesten organization’s website www.screentime.org.
Everyone has experienced the fact that TV scheduling is set up to trap you with lead in’s to the next show, bursts of adrenaline and “feel good” entertainment. You might innocently tune in for the 6 o’clock news and find yourself glued to the couch until 11 p.m., except for the snack breaks during the commercials. That’s if you can find the remote control and get to the off button before Jon Stewart, Jay Leno, Steven Colbert and all the other late night celebrities come on. Then there are the Seinfeld reruns………….Where did the evening go?
What happens when you actually try to push back from the TV watching. Are you at a loss for what to replace it with? Do you pick up your neglected flute or your paint brush. With all the cooking shows on the air, I’m sure some of you are making soup from scratch. Right?
Sometimes the early stages of your project are the most difficult, the most embarrassing. No one wants to be a beginner, make mistakes, play bad notes, burn the entre.
Another difficulty with all this is that you are hard wired to be a creature of habit and it is always an adjustment to take on something new or put a new routine into your life. It takes some attention before the ideas start to flow. What happens when you can’t get past the title of the book you wanted to write, or the first couple of notes to a tune you are working on. Is this like writer’s block?
It might just be a case of use it or loose it. I’m reminded of a trip I once took to Norway. It was a solo expedition, mostly camping in my little pup tent. Maybe I was testing my self sufficiency, after a childhood of being taken care of in a large family and then straight to college with comfy dorms, cafeterias and student unions. I hadn’t had much time to be alone or to test my survival skills. Norway was not exactly the back country. I was staying in campsites with water and showers. The place was quiet and lead by my desire for isolation and reflection, I ended up not speaking to anyone for about 2 weeks.
As I headed out for the airport, at the end of my trip, someone asked me,
in English, “Where is the Youth Hostel?” I stared back blankly. My mind could not find the words to respond, I could barely understand what was being asked of me. The language that I had taken for granted would always be available to me was gone.
That disoriented feeling made a very deep impression, all those years ago.
You’ve probably walked into a room full of folks staring blankly at a TV screen, eyes unblinking, mouth hanging open. When you make a comment or ask a question it appears to be the same reaction I had in Norway. Your friends or family members have to first take a minute to understand that they are being spoken to and then register what was asked and finally decide to connect and answer you. It’s a question of attention and focus.
I just saw this same process the other day as a husband
came in for a crash landing from cyberspace when his wife asked him a
question. He had been checking his emails on his blackberry. You could
tell his thought process was far away and it was hard for him to focus
on what she wanted to know. Parents are often guilty of being
distracted in this same way around their kids due to the fact that more and more folks are bringing work home.
Recently, here in the USA, there was a national program to turn off all your personal electronic media for a week. The audio interview that follows this article describes the project called “Turnoff Week”. It was remarkable how once the participants unplugged from their TV’s, iPods, computers with internet and emails, cell phones and blackberries, they found more leisure time, less stress and lots of alternative activities. Find out more at www.screentime.org.
One of the inspirations for the project was a scientific study that had
researched what would happen if people stopped watching TV. It reported that reading went way up for both the kids and adults in the study. More frequent and longer conversations was next for the adults and fantasy play increased for the kids. I’m reminded of that famous Mickey Rooney line “Let’s put on a show!”.
For more details check out screentime.org
Doesn’t entertainment bring us closer together, a shared culture? People
have been convinced that watching TV is a social activity because of
the “standing around the water cooler” image. That type of socializing
technically happens the day after the show and now happens less and
less with cable TV, YouTube and the variety of media available to you.
Rarely can you come in all excited about something you’ve
seen the night before, even sports events, and expect that others will
know what you are talking about. Very few people are watching the same things. Modern entertainment is, in reality, a very isolating activity.

The same can be said of music. The diversity in the market place makes it an iPod world of one. Listening to music is rarely a shared experience anymore.
Just look at the number of satellite radio stations that are springing
up every day that cater to smaller and smaller niche audiences.
Even if I wanted to go out with my friends to hear live music, I doubt we could all agree on our musical taste.
So where does this leave you? In future articles in this series, I’ll be
talking about how all this effects your own creativity and what can be
done to get your creative juices flowing.
During the next 11 articles I’ll be discussing how to reclaim your vitality and get past your excuses and your limiting beliefs. We’ll cover how to get ready for your life's work with the changes you are making based on your strengths, values and where to find lots of support. I’ll cover how self-care is so important for your confidence and creativity. There will be several techniques we’ll go over, like Law of Attraction and Emotional Freedom Techniques to clear out the old patterns. Bring an open mind and even you skeptics will appreciate the discussion.
Finally, my belief is that the energy you strive to have for your life's work is better served when you are connected to a strong community. It’s the best way I know to avoid isolation, depression and burn out from the modern “go it alone” approach. George Ellis, a South African cosmologist believes it is one of the laws of nature to share in your community, as powerful as gravity! Robert Kesten believes that it still requires your efforts to connect and I would agree 100%. Sometimes the community experience can get messy and inefficient but by working together we can accomplish so much more.
All this will help you “Liberate Your Pizzazz”. Stay tuned for the next article about how your excuses are blocking your energy and power. Find out how to rethink what you want for your life and have this help you to show those excuses who's boss!

Let me know your comments about this article and future topics you would like to see included in this discussion.
Christine Sotmary
Email sotmary@gmail.com
Health & Wellness site www.gotbetterhealth.com
Lifestyle Coaching site www.gotcoaching.com
Metabolic Nutrition Coaching www.manhattanmetabolic.ocm
My blog www.sotmary.com
My audio blog www.sotmary.libsyn.com

Listen carefully for these statements

2007-05-14T13:40:00.000-04:00

This is one coach's experience with what her clients said and how often they were successful. Very interesting.....
I won't. 0%
I can't. 10%
I don't know how. 20%
I wish I could. 30%
I want to. 40%
I think I might. 50%
I will try. 60%
I think I can. 70%
I can. 80%
I will. 90%
I did. 100%

Now that you've read it, it will be difficult to ignore it!

Can Rationality and Emotion Co-exist?

2007-05-13T17:29:00.000-04:00

In this week's Speaking of Faith radio show on NPR, Krista Tippett
interviews George Ellis, a South African cosmologist. This is a short
excerpt of the interview that I thought you might like to see. You can
read much more here. Science and Hope

"Much our of life can be thought of as a struggle between emotion and rationality — the calm analyst deciding on a logical basis what we should do, versus the emotional hot-head who
rushes into action and just does things. A common view is that
evidence-based science represents that calm rationality which
exemplifies us how we ought to behave, and we should try to avoid
basing our lives on faith and hope rather than rationality and reason.
However this is also a bad misunderstanding. In facing our individual
and communal lives, we always need faith and hope as well as
rationality, and indeed the real issue is how we can best balance them
against each other. Take the case of my own country: there were very
many times in the past when it was rational to give up all hope for the
future — to assume that the nation would decay into a racial holocaust
that never happened. It did not occur because of the transformative
actions of those marvellous leaders Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela,
confounding the calculus of rationality. This is a really important
practical issue that I have only recently begun to consider. It is in a
sense the theme of the book The Far-Future Universe that I edited.

However as well as being a highly practical issue, this also relates to the
issue of reductionism and the way the mind functions. The reading and
writing I have been doing on that topic have led to a very interesting
appreciation: the fact that the rational mind is in a profound
developmental sense based in the emotional mind. This is true both
functionally and in evolutionary terms. So one of my latest projects is
looking at this fascinating theme, and even writing about it in
association with JudithToronchuk of Trinity Western University. So I am
now happy that though I am a cosmologist by trade, I have just had a
paper on this theme accepted for publication by the journal
Consciousness and Evolution. This paper shows that the tension between
emotion and reason has a deep grounding in the neurological mechanisms
underlying brain function."

Getting to the Finishline

2007-05-01T16:32:00.000-04:00

I love this season "the promise of spring".
Just got back from a 20 mile bike ride in preparation for this Sunday's 5-borough bike tour of New York City.

What made the ride especially nice was having my piano player, Bert, leading the way. We talked about jazz, enjoyed the cool weather and went further than either of us had planned.

Two weeks ago I did 25 miles alone and the experience was full of self doubt about whether I would ever walk again and concern for the growing pain in my hind quarters.

Having company for our efforts is a great way to switch the negatives into positives. Make sure you pick someone who is inspiring to you, like Bert was for me.

New York City......I'm READY.

Truth and Reconciliation

2007-03-24T07:23:00.000-04:00

This is excerpted from Sat. March 24's
Speaking of Faith Radio program..

Dr. Villa-Vicencio: I think it is, you know. Some people, especially in the early days of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, somehow thought that what was being suggested is that if we all told the truth, we will all be reconciled. You know, simple as that. You do A, you'll have B, which is absolute nonsense. Let me put it to you this way, if I may, that if we want to talk about justice or we want to talk about truth outside of the desire to be reconciled, outside of the desire to build a relationship, outside of the desire to move on, if it's outside of that, then truth and justice can be a very destructive and a very vindictive thing. I think one of the fundamental philosophical roots of the Truth and Reconciliation is an African notion of ubuntu. Ubuntu loosely translated means "humanity." It means to live together. It is a concept that says, "I am through you and you are through me." It's only as we engage in truthful dialogue and in a quest for building a relationship that we can grow as individual people. So to the extent of I am estranged from you, I am less than human. It's a relationship that is required.

It's how we eat as much as what we eat

2007-03-04T08:52:00.000-05:00

The following is excerpted from If the Buddha Came to Dinner: How to Nourish Your Body to Awaken Your Spirit, by Halé Sofia Schatz with Shira Shaiman. Copyright © 2004 by Halé Sofia Schatz. All rights reserved. Hyperion.

The natural human inclination is to continually grow, change, and create. Even as you read this sentence, great biochemical changes are occurring within your body. Millions of cells are being created and dying, and we aren't close to being aware of it. Growth is a constant for all levels of life, from the cellular to the cosmic. So, too, as humans, our natural state is one of growth and change. But sometimes we get stuck. In our culture, we particularly run into problems because we are living more sedentary lives, and we eat the sweet, sticky, salty, highly refined foodstuffs that perpetuate a sedentary existence. These foods also tend to trap us in places where we feel safe, secure, and resistant to change.

When we are clear about our intention of how we want to develop, the foods that propel us forward usually are the ones that we don't crave. I've been a nourishment consultant for over twenty-five years and I've never seen a client who has addictive patterns with vegetables or lean proteins, such as tofu, fish, and organic meat. It may seem simple, but just by shifting your food consumption to more vital essence foods (vegetables, fruit, grains, lean proteins), you will feel more empowered and in touch with a deeper part of yourself.

While transformational nourishment is a subtle, nonlinear process, it's helpful to break it down into its multiple parts so you can see how the physical, emotional, and spiritual interconnect. As you start to eat clean food, the body responds by eliminating what isn't necessary. Depending on the individual, many types of physical changes can manifest over time -- from greater energy and clarity of mind to improved digestion, weight loss, disappearance of allergies, and a strengthened immune system. At the same time, a similar process has been triggered on the emotional and spiritual levels. Negative emotional and behavioral patterns may also reveal themselves as "toxic." Maybe your self-perceptions, relationships, or how you've been living your life no longer support the person you are today, or the person you genuinely wish to become. When the body and emotions are unbalanced, we can't hear the voice that is our spirit, the deeper conscious- ness that we know to be true. With the body and emotions in a balanced, receptive state, the spiritual part of ourselves is more accessible.

To make lasting changes, you need both awareness and action. just as something is dying, something new is being born. To make room for your new self, you have to prune the old patterns. Letting go is risky business because the old patterns, the old shell, seem so secure. The choice is yours. You can exert a lot of energy trying to resist your growth, or you can respond to the messages from your spirit.

It Could Still Be Out There, Somewhere

2007-02-21T15:19:00.000-05:00

In the Feb. 12th, 2007's New Yorker on p. 62 there was a quick story to illustrate a point. It involved space ships and mutants from "Orphans of the Sky" by Robert Heinlein. You can read it for the details, sorry I don't have a link. Try the library.
Let me jump to the moral of the story.
".....it has retained a hold of Paul's imagination: he always remembers that, however certain he may be about something, however airtight an argument appears or however fundamental an intuition, there is always a chance that both are completely wrong, and that reality lies in some other place that he hasn't looked because he doesn't know it's there."
Keep those eyes and ears sharp and keep that brain open. You don't want to be the only one who still thinks the earth is flat, or that war is necessary or that money buys happiness. Reality is still around the corner. Enjoy the exploration!

Finding balance was the key all along!

2007-01-20T19:36:00.000-05:00

Sherwin Nuland was interviewed today on NPR's Speaking Of Faith. You can go there to listen but I wanted to get this excerpt out there for more people to read.

This extended version of the passage in the program was excerpted from the chapter, "The Blood Is the Life," in The Wisdom of the Body by Sherwin Nuland:

Always the purpose of treatment is only to restore nature's balance against disease. There is no recovery unless it comes from the force and fiber of one's own tissues. The physician's role is to be the cornerman—stitch up the lacerations, apply the soothing balm, encourage the use of the fighter's specific abilities, say all the right things—to encourage the flagging strength of the real combatant, the pummeled body. As doctor's, we do our best when we remove the obstacles to healing and encourage organs and cells to use their own nature-given power to overcome.

We have always known this. Every system of so-called primitive medicine I have ever encountered views disease as the imbalance of certain factors, whose proper interrelationships must be reestablished if recovery is to take place. The ancient heritage of Western scientific medicine is no different. Hippocrates and his followers inherited from earlier healers the belief in the four humors, whose equilibrium maintains health: blood, yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm. Although we have long since abandoned those seemingly fanciful conceits, their symbolism remains, and some of us have begun to wonder whether they will prove, after all these centuries, to be more than symbols. We speak nowadays of such things as hormones, and transmitters, and tissue factors floating around our bodies, and we have even come to introduce terminology that sounds eerily familiar, as though emerged from some cobwebbed cranny in the long-forgotten cellar of our history—such as humoral-mediated immunity.

I have spent the adult years of my life being nature's cornerman. I have provided it with whatever boost was needed, cheered it on, and felt the exhilaration of watching its formidable powers wheel into action once I have helped remove the impediments. An inflamed organ is excised, an obstruction is bypassed, excessive hormone levels are reduced, a cancerous region is swept clean of tumor-bearing tissue—and the wrongs are redressed, thus allowing cells and tissues to take over the process of reconstituting equilibrium. Surgeons are no more than agents of the process by which an offending force may be sufficiently held at bay to aid nature in its inherent tendency to restore health. For me, surgery has been the distilled essence of W. H. Auden's perceptive précis of all medicine: "Healing," said the poet, "is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature."

New magazine for and about your Mind

2006-12-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I stumbled onto a magazine from last year in the reading pile at my office. I always find great stuff buried there but I didn't even know that this magazine existed. I wanted to mention it here as a resource. It's Scientific American Mind. Every article in this issue from April 2005 was intriguing to me, the science/wellness nerd, but especially the article on creativity. Here's an excerpt for you and a link to the magazine to read the rest of the 4 page article. Go to past issues at the top and it's April 2005.
Scientific American Mind
Very interesting information, especially for a new perspective on my jazz improvising.

Excerpted from "Creativity Unleashed" by Ulrich Kraft
The right hemisphere's divergent thinking underlies our ability to be creative. Curiosity, love of experimentation, playfulness, risk taking, mental flexibility, metaphorical thinking, aesthetics--all these qualities play a central role. But why does creativity remain so elusive? Everyone has a right hemisphere, so we all should be fountains of unorthodox ideas.

Consider that most children abound in innovative energy: a table and an old blanket transform into a medieval fortress, while the vacuum cleaner becomes the knight's horse and a yardstick a sword. Research suggests that we start our young lives as creativity engines but that our talent is gradually repressed. Schools place overwhelming emphasis on teaching children to solve problems correctly, not creatively. This skewed system dominates our first 20 years of life: tests, grades, college admission, degrees and job placements demand and reward targeted logical thinking, factual competence, and language and math skills--all purviews of the left brain. The propensity for convergent thinking becomes increasingly internalized, at the cost of creative potential. To a degree, the brain is a creature of habit; using well-established neural pathways is more economical than elaborating new or unusual ones. Additionally, failure to train creative faculties allows those neural connections to wither. Over time it becomes harder for us to overcome thought barriers. Creativity trainers like to tell clients: "If you always think the way you always thought, you'll always get what you always got--the same old ideas."

Taking Time Out

2006-11-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

This is a great article by Alice Walker that was forwarded to me by a dear friend. Alice discusses the need to take time out to reflect and let our feminine energy (which is in all of us BTW) surface and create a brave new world. (My words, not hers) Enjoy! All Praises To The Pause

The New York City Marathon Winners

2006-11-06T14:13:00.000-05:00

Thank you for inspiring all of us! You have expanded our beliefs to include your amazing accomplishment and in turn expand our ideas of what is possible in our lives as well. Now take a nice hot bath and glory in the adoration of your family and friends. 'til next year!

1 35176 Sab Koide 83M USA

1 46414 Joan Rowland 80F USA
2 33168 Iris Vinegar 80F USA

Listening Generously

2006-09-25T14:00:00.000-04:00

To hear this entire discussion go to Listening Generously

In the final reading from Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen reflects on mystery in everyday life:

The most important questions don't seem to have ready answers. But the questions themselves have a healing power when they are shared. An answer is an invitation to stop thinking about something, to stop wondering. Life has no such stopping places, life is a process whose every event is connected to the moment that just went by. An unanswered question is a fine traveling companion. It sharpens your eye for the road.

As a freshman in medical school, I had been randomly selected as class photographer and given a camera to take pictures for the yearbook. I took pictures for four years. At first I felt burdened by the responsibility, the need to carry the heavy camera with me to class, to remember to look at things. But in time, the camera caused me to see my ordinary surroundings far more clearly, to become aware of beauty around me in some very unlikely places. It had given me new eyes. A good question is like that Zeiss.

In some fairy tales there is a magic word which has the power to undo the spell that has imprisoned someone and free them. When I was small, I would wait anxiously until the prince or the princess stumbled on the formula and said the healing words that would release them into life. Usually the words were some sort of nonsense like "Shazam." My magic words have turned out to be "I don't know.

OK, I'm a girlie girl. I'll admit it.

2006-09-12T15:44:00.000-04:00

So I know some of you like to wake up to a soothing cup of java in the morning, a little "pick me up" to get the wheels turning. Well, for a real turbo charged blast off, let me recommend a frightened mouse scurrying around your kitchen. Could you hear my screams all over the planet?
Once, the mouse vanished down its favorite escape hatch, I decided to examine the situation. I remembered an experience in my London flat in 1972, where a bird flew into our window. Again, my girlie roommates and I were screaming, jumping behind the couch in a total panic. What is so interesting is the fact that I have had a life long love of birds. I have 4 of them now flying around my house. The key difference is they are completely mellow.
The moral to this story is the possibility that fear spreads faster than a wild fire. If I had seen this morning's mouse tucked away, sleeping in someone's hand, I'd probably want to pet it. The fear in the trapped bird and the tiny mouse is what got me screaming and acting like a lunatic.
Fear might just infect human to human relationships, as well. Just in case, it is probably best to surround ourselves with upbeat, confident folks and hopefully their positive energy will launch our own confident, upbeat path in this world.