Perfection vs. Values

I was out jogging today, reflecting on my second listening to "Prodigal Summer" a book on tape by Barbara Kingsolver. It explores many conversations between people who have very different ideas of their worlds and how they think the rest of us should live. It occurred to me that the characters, who had perfection as their standard, had very little room for flexibility and whimsy. No one could live up to their perfect standards, not even themselves. Their rigidity was keeping them from the simple pleasures in life and from having close relationships. Their judgments and ideas about perfection seemed to be leaving them angry, irritable and mean spirited.
I was trying to think about an alternative that would soften the whole issue of perfectionism. When our efforts are not crushed by our judgmental natures, we can still have our spirits be challenged and allow ourselves some room for mistakes, imperfections, the time to learn something new and even some vulnerability with others. Doing our best, having strong values and putting an honest effort into the things we care about, can all take place within the context of flexibility when judgments are relaxed. Substituting values for judgments seems like a good place to start building our efforts while staying kind, soft and open. Perfection can wait for another lifetime. Why not start being happy and content right now?

What If It's Not True?

What if our inner voices are wrong? "I am my own worst critic!" is a common expression. So my question is "who you gonna trust?" If our self talk can so easily turn negative, inspired by random perceived rejections or sometimes by nothing at all, should we be trusting ourselves to make these judgments. Why is it so often that our friends are full of praises for our successes and we can barely hear it? We are so busy saying "Yes, but...." They do it too, so you are not alone. You know you usually think your friends are funnier, smarter, better looking than they think they are.
What is the antidote to those sour words we hear inside of us? Find proof that the truth lies elsewhere. For instance, when I say "I always make the same mistake and fall into the same patterns." Find the exceptions, when this wasn't true and write it down. This won't be easy, at first. We have been trusting the "worst critic" for a long time. Add the positive details of your history and sometimes the truth is 180 degrees from what you are habitually telling yourself. Surprise!!
You will get better at recognizing your negative voices and soon you'll be arguing the other side of your case and the negative voices will back off.